Dearest Twins A and B,
It’s not Christmas in July, but boy will it feel like it to both of you today when you see the iconic, rectangular boxes before you. Today, a wish you have wished for a long time is coming true…sort of, that is. You’re getting iPhones! Huzzah! That feels awesome, right? Slow down, little campers, and keep reading. It may look like a phone and feel like a phone, but we as parents are embarking on yet another installment of teaching you the difference between privilege and right. Phones, particularly iPhones at your age, are 100 percent privilege.
This is a big moment, a moment we have tried to delay by bucking the early tech trend, but alas, it’s here and the uncertainty is bubbling deep in our bellies. You have reached yet another turning point in your lives. You’re moving up to middle school, likely with excitement and trepidation (that’s a fancier word for fear, you two). We share the full gamut of your emotions, but we know with utmost clarity that you are well-behaved, responsible and respectful 11-year-olds (most of the time—remember, nobody is perfect and mistakes are inevitable).
It is time for us to trust you with greater independence, and with that, you have earned the right to BORROW these iPhones. With the acceptance of this loan, however, comes rules, rules that may feel spirit crushing at times. This is a HUGE deal. Please read through the following contract carefully. You won’t need an attorney, but you will need to understand and agree to each term, and as expected, there are many of them so take your time. We welcome and encourage your questions. You doubtless will have many of them as we navigate this uncharted territory together.
You are both probably rolling your eyes already, but we’re trying to raise you to be kind, inquisitive and socially engaged people who can coexist with technology and resist the insidious allure of allowing your lives to be dictated by devices. This world has so much to offer you beyond being glued to an inanimate, little screen. We implore you not to do dumb things with these “smart” phones, including taking inappropriate pictures and videos, wasting too much time on mindless games or misusing it to destroy your reputation or the reputation of others. Life is not a race so take time to think before you march those little fingers into foolish action.
Seize some of your big kid independence and experience life by being present and aware of each moment. Your minds and hearts will save your memories better than any picture or video. If only to spare yourselves neck pain later in life, we beg you to keep your eyes up, find real people’s eyes, look into them and use your voices instead of your thumbs to talk.
We love you immensely and we look forward to having you use these new phones for their primary purpose—communicating with us—preferably in full sentences with correct spelling and punctuation. Oh, and in case it isn’t clear yet, failure to comply with our family contract will result in non-negotiable suspension of your iPhone use.
The Goodman Family iPhone Contract
1. Not to sound like a broken record here, but these are our phones. We purchased them and we will pay for the monthly service (you’re welcome!). We trust you to use them safely and appropriately.
2. We will always know the password to your phones and we will indeed check your phones with monitoring software to ensure you are adhering to the contract. If you are misusing your phone, we will know, we will talk about it, there will be consequences.
3. If we call or text, you must respond immediately. So, when the screen reads “MOM” or “DAD,” you will answer. In turn, we will always answer your calls and your texts without delay. If you need help and find yourself in a tough situation, you can text us an agreed upon code word and we will know that you need our help pronto. Homework for you two: come up with a family code word.
4. Ignore calls, FaceTime requests and texts from numbers that are not in your known contacts. You are going to have to trust us for now that there are dangerous people out there in the world and we want to protect you.
5. Your phones will typically live in the kitchen when you are home. You must ask permission to use them when you are at home and you may never use them after 8PM. When you are home there are 4 other people (and two dogs) who would love to interact with you. There are books to read, games to play, fun to be had with your family. You can add this to the ever-growing “you’ll thank us for that later” column.
6. You will NEVER use your phones during meals at home or at restaurants—that inlcudes breakfast, lunch and dinner. Again, live people are far more interesting than devices. When we have company over or when we are visiting with family and friends, you will not use your phones. Use the manners we have taught you. Feel free to check us on this also. We should all aim to connect with the actual humans in front of us…let’s not let these iPhones change our values and standards of behavior.
7. Your phones will be charged overnight at the designated charging station in the kitchen. It will NEVER be kept in your bedrooms. You have old school alarm clocks, you don’t need your phones at night. Learn how good it feels to be unplugged.
8. Technology can offer some appreciable life hacks, but use your brains and strong instincts to remember what we have taught you. Engage in live dialogue with people, particularly your friends. It takes practice to be a good conversationalist and we want you to master the art of communication over silly text banter.
9. Accidents happen. You have seen us crack our phones, drop them, get them wet and misplace them. Do your very best to take care of this expensive equipment. We always forgive mistakes in our house, but repairs and replacements are on you.
10. You are newbies to texting and emailing so please take it slow. Once you hit send, you have no take-backs. Do not text or email anything to anyone that you would not be willing to say aloud with their parents in the room. Again, these little devices can be quite powerful. People have used them to malign and hurt others. Be good friends who don’t engage in gossip and negative text chains.
11. If you have a question about anything you receive or see on your phone, please ask us. There is a lot of inappropriate content out there. We are here to help, we want to help.
12. You must get permission before downloading any apps or games.
13. No social media YET. We know many of your peers will be on Instagram and SnapChat. When you prove that you are responsible with your phones, we can discuss whether you are ready for social media. It is not the best use of your time and we would prefer for you to have real friends who like you for who you are rather than followers who give you empty likes.
This is an experiment for all of us. We expect this contract to change as we learn together. There will doubtless be mistakes—sometimes yours, sometimes ours. You may lose your phone from time to time as you’re learning. You will get through it. We love you unconditionally and we will continue to make decisions in your best interest, even when it feels like we’re the bad guys.
We hope you can agree to these terms and that you will enjoy this new privilege.
Love,
The most verbose (but hopefully not the worst) Mom and Dad (ever!)
*I choose to accept this iPhone and I will accept and follow all the rules herein.
Signature Twin A
Signature Twin B